Acceptable loss.

If you haven't noticed, I have several things that I really love.  Passions...you know, the stuff that really moves you, makes you feel, makes you smile, makes you mad...

I have plenty of passion. It's actually one of my biggest flaws/best traits.  Passion has led me into a lot of trouble, falling in love with people or things that would hurt me, haunt me.  It's also had a positive effect of filling me up completely, until I feel like I could burst open at the seams.  J.M. Barrie said that fairies could only feel one emotion at a time, because they were so small that it filled them and overwhelmed them.  Tinkerbell was so full of jealous rage that she attempted to murder Wendy (why was this left out of the Disney Version? It would have been so much more watchable!) ...and while I've never felt QUITE like that, I understand how overwhelming the feelings can be when you're confronted with your passions.  Plus, I'm small, so I relate better than some. 


Also, I have fairy wings.

Mine's a concise list: music, animals, literature, cars. 

And when one of them appears to be under threat, I have the habit of jumping on my soapbox, taking up arms, and shouting, "I'll kill you Wendy! You bitch!"  Figuratively, of course.

This time around, I haven't done much jumping, and just accepted that to be happy, I have to lose some of the things that I thought I really wanted. In this case, it has to do with my Nova, which is entering Iteration #10 or #11 (can't remember...) after multiple rebuilds and phases and destruction.  I thought I wanted an LS3 and a 4L60E transmission (layman's terms for my not-car savvy readers...bad ass engine and transmission)...but I wasn't willing to trade my happiness and freedom. Staying in my cage meant a Corvette drive train. Leaving meant my plain old Disco Nova in her stock form: slow.

So I'll take slow. I'll take it, because at least I'll be able to jump in my POS and cruise off without being told it's too loud, it attracts too much male attention, it's not safe.  It may be/do all of those things, but I think of something else that J.M. Barrie said: "Our life is a book to which we add daily, until suddenly we are finished, and then the manuscript is burned.”


Before my manuscript is burned, for Christ's sake, I want to listen to all the music I can, rescue all the animals I can, read all the books I can, and drive that old, slow Nova with the windows down and the sun on me as much as I can.  There's freedom in those passions, and to preserve that, I'll take the other losses. 



My slow, rusty, off-year Nova. I know you can't deal with the level of awesome, so I kept the picture small.

 Skeptically Yours.